Scott’s Blog Experience

Two things you need to consider when buying a home. One: is it near a Walnut Tree? Two: What is the Squirl population? Forget location, school district, property taxes. Believe me, it’s the Walnut Tree, and Squirls. Why? In the few years I’ve lived here, this time of year wreaks havoc and terror. My yard becomes a place where Squirls turn deadly.

I have this Walnut tree that stands right next to the house. For a few weeks in the Fall when these Walnuts are ripe, the Squirls go nuts. (pun intended). They pick, and throw these nuts that hit my front porch, and roof, like meteors falling from the sky. They are loud, and deadly. Hitting the ground at tremendous speeds. Especially if you are having a nice cup of coffee in the morning searching for serenity because you just found out the water leak in your garage is due to your neighbors complete and utter neglect over his part of the garage, and obession with his yard. Morever, you would like to take the shovel he is always carring around and beat him with it……Ah but I digress. I nearly had a heart attack while one of these nuts hit me in the leg. I tend to believe it was on purpose, but that’s because I live a life of paranoia. I think the Squirl mocked me, but I can’t be sure. Ever since the Bambi post, I feel there maybe a wildlife conspiracy against me.

Actually, it’s a smart move. Pick the nuts off the tree, then come down to collect them. I actually saw one Squirl carring two big nuts in it’s mouth at once. STOP. Let’s stop here for a moment to ponder how many sick sarcastic statements I can make with a “two big nuts in a squirls mouth” statement. Ah, but I digress…again.

I think the point here is this. Squirls are savages. They are deadly, and can kill you in a moments notice IF you live or are near, a Walnut Tree. They are calculating bastards who given the opportunity really don’t care about your sleep. They work all night long crashing Walnuts onto your roof. I call it Psychological Warfare. Be afraid my friends, be very afraid.