Scott’s Blog Experience

Having a parent with an illness is tough enough. But when that parent depends on you to take care of them, that is even tougher. Some of you may know that my Mom has Parkinson’s and that she lives with me. Mom has had Parkinson’s for a long time, and up til now, it has never been debilitating for her. Mom doesn’t really shake to bad outwardly. She does not have the extreme shaking that people have come to know. ie. Michael J Fox. No, she has more of the kind that affects her cognitive thinking process, like problem solving, and basic memory. In other words, Mom has Parkinson’s Dementia.

Three years ago, me and a friend rushed down to Florida to get Mom after she had walked out of the house in the middle of the night. Living by herself, it was just to dangerous. However, after coming out here and seeing a Neurologist, it was soon determined she has been overdosing on Anti-Depressants that were prescribed to her by her caring and loving Doctors in Florida. Mom did much better after we weened her off and got her on the right meds.

Three years later, Mom now has real issues with the same type of behavior. I can no longer leave her alone for any long periods of time, and the confusion has nothing to do with meds. It’s her Dementia. She has lost the ability to tell time, and figure out what day it is, or if it’s night or day. 80% of the time she’s ok, it’s the other 20% that is tough.

In the beginning I thought it would all be ok, and that I could handle taking care of Mom. The first year was ok, and I was able to hold on to some of my sanity. In the last year, I’ve been pretty much living in resentment because of it. The task of constantly going over the same routine over and over again is overwhelming. Mom just can’t remember, or learn certain basic elements of taking care of herself. I started drinking alot and my relationship with my girlfriend got much worse. The need to escape became my primary thought of the day. It was too much to think I could be the caregiver, boyfriend, businessman, and a responsible drinker, all at the same time. I just wanted to build a cabin somewhere in Alaska and hide. I never could muster to ask anyone for help. I was too proud and needed to feel like I could take on the weight of the world.

In the last 6 months, I have come to realize that living with my Mom is not easy, and it’s never going to be. But I have an opportunity to learn from her. I think it’s a blessing when someone needs your help. Someone told me recently it’s all how I look at things. It’s my perspective over how my life is or is not working out. I haven’t had a ounce of alcohol in 6 months, and even though the relationship ended, I have a much better understanding on how to take care of my Mom. The most important think I do now is ask for help.

We are now in the process of looking for Assisted Living for her. One, because Mom needs to be with other people. If Mom could blog, I’m sure the title of her first post would be “Living with my Son, is NOT easy”. However, we are looking at some places, and are hoping to get her in before Summer is over. I can no longer give her the care she needs. I think that I have been in denial about her disease more than she has. I keep thinking she is going to learn how to take her meds right, learn how to tell time, and figure out things for herself. It will never happen, and I need to start making plans to take care of her.

I wanted to write this post to share with others that it IS an opportunity to take care of someone who can’t take care of themselves. I have learned patience, patience and more patience. Nobody likes seeing there parent revert back to a 10 year old. It’s frustrating, and sometimes I want to scream. (I’m sure you have heard if driving down my street). But in the end, I love my Mom, and I know she would do the same with me. Even at my worst, she has hung in there for me, and even though I don’t understand what she’s saying all the time, she still manages to say “You know you’re getting points for this”. I hope so, cause I need all I can get. I’m hoping God grades on a curve.